I’m a firm believer, as an archaeologist and as a geek, that given the chance Indiana Jones would love to be a legitimate archaeologist. It’s not his fault the Nazi’s are always trying to bring about the apocalypse. He would much rather be quietly and painstakingly troweling layer after layer of soil somewhere in the Southwest US, than be constantly shot at over religious relics he doesn’t even believe in.
That being said, I was a little uncomfortable with the Canadian Government comparing the search for the two Franklin Expedition ships with an Indiana Jones adventure, seeing as he pretty much makes his living stealing priceless artefacts from countries that are not his own, from people he has no legitimate cultural connection to.
I know that’s not what was meant by the comment. The Franklin Expedition is really exciting from a Canadian perspective. Canadian children grow up reading about the expedition, watching documentaries, learning about the mystery and excitement of archaeological research at a very young age and remembering the story for the rest of their lives. More than that the story of the Franklin Expedition invokes the interest of the international community. It’s a British legend from a time when the British controlled a significant portion of the planet and it is a story that has been retold over and over around the world.
Franklin himself was was marketed in such a way that 163 years later we still think he kicks all kind of ass and we still can’t believe he was ever defeated by the arctic cold.
And that’s what is, marketing. From what I understand, the main difference between American history and Canadian history is that they have this:
While we have this:
Both nations share a similar aboriginal past, both nations were forcibly redefined at about the same time, both nations felt the same pressures and influences, albeit in different ways, while struggling to define their new place in the international community.
Basically, American history has been better processed for easy general consumption. Americans push their history like they push of the rest of their culture, like its the best on the planet and only fools don’t recognize it. It doesn’t have to be particularly accurate (just mostly), or even-handed, you just have to throw in a few guns and heroes and everyone is on that like it’s going out of style.
And I love Heritage Minutes; we all love Heritage Minutes, but they seriously couldn’t have been made with any more than $5,000 each, and they sure as hell didn’t make anyone any money.
And nobody outside of Canada has ever heard of them.
Marketing.
Franklin doesn’t count, because the Victorians did all of our marketing for us back in the 19th century.
I guess this can be seen as a serious problem in the arts and heritage community, because while the Harper government is spending $75,000 on a very worthwhile media darling of an archaeological project, I know for a fact that only a week ago they cut millions of dollars of funding from arts and culture because they believed it wouldn’t effect their chances of re-election.
And as much as I can’t stand the fact that history has to be turned into a Hollywood blockbuster to get enough people interested to make it economically feasible to protect it, I understand why it has to be done. I myself have used the word ‘pimp’ more times this summer during fundraising events than I can even count.
Meet my lady, heritage. She is beautiful and intricate and she is the foundation upon which everything that we are today has been built. But she is an old gal, without proper maintenance she’s just going to fall apart. And without her, everything we are as a species would fall apart too.
Fifteen dollars for half an hour.
So, without further ado, here is my contribution to pimping out one of the most enthralling and compelling stories in Canadian History:
Ten Ways to Make the Search for the Franklin Expedition More Like Indiana Jones
1. Convince the Nazi’s that they want to find Franklin’s ships first.
Or in this case, the CommuNazis. Tell them if they find the ships before we do they can have the Northwest Passage. And possibly become immortal.
2. Hire a more chiseled head archaeologist.
Because who wants to see this guy with his flannel shirt off? (Other than me.)
3. Move the search somewhere more Fedora-friendly.
Indiana has never gone anywhere colder than Nepal, where apparently a cotton shirt and leather jacket is enough to keep warm. What would he wear? He probably couldn’t pull off the spandex snow suit as well as Laura Croft does. And nobody has ever said “Han was so HOT on Hoth!”, it just doesn’t work that way.
4. Give all of the underpaid (to unpaid, to paying to be there) archaeology students guns.
Big ones. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Until they start drinking, that is.
5. Have someone find Shea LeBoeuf under a rock somewhere off of Baffin Island.
The media coverage would be massive.
6. Instead of utilizing Inuit oral histories, have them carve their knowledge onto an impossibly large wall of ice in a previously unknown Inuit secret code.
As soon as the wall is translated, have the CommuNazis push it down on top of the Canadian Archaeologists.
7. Fill the Canadian Arctic with snakes.
Ship them there on a plane, get Samuel Jackson to swear a bit about it on the internet. That guy will do anything for a buck, and audiences donors love it when you feed their irrational fears.
8. Let George Lucas do the CGI.
Everyone will hate it, but the blogosphere will buzz with news about how ‘that douchebag Lucas ruined The Franklin Expedition for everyone forever’.
9. Attach a whip to the end of everyone’s trowels.
Kinky. Enhanced by the fact that they will be doing underwater archaeology, so not only will everyone have whips, but they will also all be soaking wet.
10. Aliens.
How come nobody has ever suggested this? It’s perfectly plausible from a supernatural perspective. Who is to say Sir John Franklin and all of his men weren’t abducted? (Other than science.) This is my favoured explanation, until it is otherwise proven.
Now, I can’t help but like the idea of the findings of this archaeological inquiry being used to establish Canadian arctic sovereignty. Most historians and archaeologists will like it because it is a perfect example of how our work can be used for the benefit of Canadian society in a modern context.
Undergraduates will be writing term papers about it for centuries.
Unfortunately it has been made obvious that the main motivation behind the search is so that one day, after our oil habit has melted almost all of the arctic ice, we will be able to charge those travelling through the Northwest Passage shipping tariffs and fees.
And we will finally have our answer to why the Franklin Expedition failed.
Captain Sir John Franklin was just in the right place at the wrong time.
